Relationship Vs. School: Prioritizing With Your Partner

By Julia Dunn on June 23, 2016

Many college students have romantic partners at the same time they attend school. Inevitably, it can become increasingly more challenging to balance your relationship with your educational responsibilities. Oftentimes, the desire to spend time with your partner can cause students to procrastinate on their coursework (if not forget about it entirely).

With such busy schedules, how can you manage these two important areas of your life without neglecting either one? Here are some suggestions on incorporating each priority.

1. Study together and motivate each other.

You don’t have to separate your partner from your studies completely! Assuming you and your partner are students (and studious students), you shouldn’t have much trouble doing homework together. While it may be distracting for some couples to study together, it is highly productive for others who are driven to high academic achievement and can work towards it in the presence of one another.

If your partner does not share the same academic drive as you, it can be significantly harder to fit them into your school life as much as you want to. In this case, hopefully your partner can respect the time you need to put into academics and understand when you need to study alone or with a study group.

If they in any way try to prevent you from getting your homework done or attending review sessions (or even going to classes), this is problematic. If it’s feeling like a battle to attend to your coursework and your partner is not supporting you, reassess their contributions to your life. They may be more toxic for you than helpful.

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2. Arrange a weekly outing on the weekends (or a free weekday) as a reward for finishing another week of college.

This can be as simple as taking a walk together or getting a cup of coffee downtown for a few hours. Even eating dinner at a favorite restaurant is a great way to connect and devote time to your relationship. Treat yourself to some couple-only relaxation time.

3. Help out during exam time.

Ask your partner to help quiz you on your chemistry terms, or test you on your German vocabulary before upcoming midterms or finals. Even if they’re not in school with you, your partner could easily read a question off of a study guide and see if your response matches the written answer. This way, you can involve your partner in your study routine, and ideally they’ll be happy to help.

4. Create a self-care list together.

For many romantic relationships, it is beneficial to draft a self-care list (or priority list) between you and your partner. This functions well to remind each of you of your values and hold each other accountable for taking care of yourselves and each other. When creating this list, talk through each of your priorities as a pair. Which activities overlap and de-stress both of you and which ones do not? For some students, self-care may look like getting homework done ahead of time before a deadline approaches.

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If your partner understands that academics play a role in your self-care or core values, they may find it easier to support your endeavors, or at least understand when to step back and let you finish your work. Conversely, you may understand much more about what your partner needs as well, even if they may not be as academically driven as you. Most relationship conflicts arise from miscommunication or a complete lack of communication, an area you can strengthen simply by making time to identify some priorities both of you share along with those that you do not share. This communication can strengthen nearly every aspect of a relationship and increase openness between the two of you.

If you and your partner are equally invested in college, self-care lists can ensure that each of you take time to step away from your busy schedules for rejuvenation. Students who are high-achieving tend to get used to being overworked or booked all day, forgetting that part of self-care includes planning for downtime or including breaks in a long day.

Ultimately, it can be challenging conveying to a partner that they are important to you even though school may prevent you from spending every second with them. However, never forget that a healthy partner will never actively obstruct your path educationally. The best person for you will support your schooling and facilitate your success rather than put you down, force you to choose school or your relationship, or sabotage your achievements.

It is definitely doable to spend time with your significant other while completing your coursework, but again, this may not be feasible for certain couples who may find each other’s presence distracting when trying to complete homework. Communicating with each other regularly about what you need will undoubtedly contribute to a healthy partnership where you can succeed in college academics and spend quality time with the person you love, whether those two activities overlap or not.

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